Let Me Fall
by TheIrishClvr
Summary: After Xander stops Jack O'Toole from blowing up the school he feels like he can do anything. One Week later he meets a woman that will change his life forever...
1. The Light that Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

**I was reading all these fanfics for a different fandom getting tired of reading the same thing over and over again. So I had the idea for this story and I couldn't wait to start it.**

**XPOV**

I told Jack I liked the quiet. My mind kept replaying the events of the night that my life changed. As much as it hurt that my friends wanted to keep me out of something so big, I can see that had they not tried to protect me I would not have been able to keep Jack and his zombie buddies from blowing up the whole school. I mean I dislike school as much as the next person, but I wouldn't blow it up.

My friends would never know what I had done for them and I would never tell them. I may not be some strong badass witch or super strong slayer, but I was just as important as the rest of the scoobies. If anybody ever tried to tell me anything differently then I would know better.

I can always remember that one night that changed my whole perspective. For a while I had believed Cordelia, that I was nothing more than the Zeppo of the group. It went perfectly with something I had been talking to Giles about.

After what happened with Jack though, I was able to look back at the things I had done in the past and see why it would lead me to where I am at this moment in time, from the campouts in my back yard with Willow and Jesse, to cheating on Cordelia Chase. I could see it all so clearly and I did not regret a single moment.

Of course I felt bad that I cheated on Cordelia, but I didn't regret it. We just weren't meant to be. I learned a lot of things about myself in that relationship, but it had obviously run its course. We took from each other everything that we could and it was time to move on. I had just not figured that out in time to end things with Cordy before I finally saw my best friend the way she had seen me since at least freshman year.

However Willow and I were also not meant to be which is proved to me by the fact that she chose Oz over me in the end. As sad as that made me it was my own fault that she had been forced to move on.

All of this was in the past. Now was the time for me to plan for the future and solidify a more helpful spot in the gang so that they didn't feel like all I was, was a liability. I didn't want them to ever think that they had to push me away again.

I had started going to the weight room at the high school working out on his own while also training with Giles. Giles was the only one aware of my plans of self improvement. I had also been paying more attention in classes as well as reading some of the books that Giles had to offer about vampire and demon lore.

Things seemed to be looking up and I liked the new me.

**LPOV**

I had grown up Sunnydale, California, but had always remained under the radar. I had a small family of my parents a brother and a sister. I was happy not being popular with my best friend. The only thing about sitting quietly in the background was that the man I admired from afar never noticed I existed.

When I first saw him I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was just so funny and incredibly attractive. After that I couldn't turn a corner without seeing him and his two friends there.

I liked Willow from what I could tell as well. I saw how she was hurt whenever he talked about another girl to her. I could relate to her in that area. I was jealous that she got to even be near him. For a while it had just been me sitting in the back of a room or some dark coroner of the Bronze by myself watching him and the rest of the world enjoy life with their friends, until I met my best friend.

Cadence in one of my favorite classes, English and she had quickly become the most important person in my life. From the moment we met we had clicked, almost like we were finding our other halves in each other. Now we did everything together, and shared our every secret. She had been well aware of my crush on Xander Harris. When I found out he was dating Cordelia Chase it had nearly killed me. Cadence just told me I shouldn't give up, and that as long as there was love, there was always hope.

Growing up I had always written down my thoughts and feelings about everything that was going on in my life. When I thought about Xander the words flowed so quickly and it always seemed so beautiful to me in poem form, Cadence encouraged me to turn them into songs. I joined the band and learned how to play the guitar. I also took all the music classes available, not that there were many. When I spoke to the director about my plans to make my poems songs they were more than willing help me put my words to music.

Cadence finally convinced me to get up on stage at the Bronze and sing them. So here I was on amateur night walking into the Bronze with my guitar case and dressed in what Cadence picked out. She let me get away with wearing the shear see through shirt under the corset and leggings under the skirt, so that I would feel more comfortable in front of a good majority of the town.


	2. Let Me Fall

**XPOV**

Cordelia Chase could say whatever she wanted about me. Since I stopped Jack from blowing up the school, I feel as though I could do anything. Willow had told me about what the gang had been doing, saving the world from another apocalypse. She told me they hadn't said anything because they wanted to make sure that I would be out of harm's way. I would never tell her that their plan failed and I had been in danger anyway, just not from the demons they were fighting. She had no idea that there had been a danger beyond the hellmouth.

Jack and his buddies was just one of those things that had come at just the right time so that I could prove to myself that I was more than nothing to the group. Whether they knew or not I had done something great. I was more than just the Jimmy Olsen of the group.

It has been a week since that fateful night that had changed so much about me. I worked out on a regular basis now and I wanted to keep the fact that I was training with Giles a secret. I wasn't doing it for anyone but myself and I didn't need them to think otherwise. It was time to do more than just bellow as the demons pounded on me. Or run and hide when the others needed me.

Tonight was one of those quiet nights where we were able to just enjoy ourselves at the bronze. It was amateur night and in between bands they played popular music Willow, Buffy, and I were dancing together as the music went from bearable to familiar to something that I could barely believe I was hearing.

The voice that came out of the speakers from the stage was beautiful, I could help but to stop and close my eyes blocking out any distraction while taking in the first verse of the song.

_I feel chained, chained down  
You shoved me to the ground  
I can't run, I can't shout  
Just let me out _

That was sort of how I had felt last week with everyone leaving me out and Cordelia telling me how useless I was to the group, feeding into my fears. I opened my eyes and turned to the stage no longer dancing as I took in the female strumming on her guitar as she sang.

_So heartless, this couldn't mean less  
Gonna push it in your face  
I'm only human  
And I've got something to say_

She wore a shear, from what I could tell, white top under a light pink corset with spaghetti straps. Her skirt looked cut off at the bottom with the fake rips in its dark blue coloring. The leggings on her legs were cut up to reveal her white skin, and on her feet were a pair of ankle boots with a rounded toe and maybe 4 ¾ inch stiletto heels across the front of the boots were multiple chains. Her short blonde hair was at her shoulders, maybe slightly longer and framed her beautiful face perfectly. 

_Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I will get back up again if you let me fall _

The chorus went right along with my feelings of that night how I wanted to be able to help them and they wouldn't let me. I had proved them all wrong anyway they kept pushing me away so I was able to stop Jack O'Toole from blowing up the school and murdering my friends.

_If I burn down in this fire  
Well, I've got myself to blame  
I can't stop or give it up  
I need to feel the pain_

Can you hear me?  
Don't come near me  
You'll just get in my way  
I'm only human  
And there's nothing you can say 

Then there was the whole instance where I had slept with Faith, the worst person for me to lose my virginity to. It had been nice but rough there had been no real emotion. Faith hadn't cared about me. She only cared about the release I could give her after the fight. But it was done and there was no way to take it back. One more mistake on a long lists of mistakes I had made in the past year. I can live with myself and move forward.

_Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I will get up again if you let me fall_

You Say you know who I am  
and what I'm all about  
Then you'll understand I gotta figure it out  
And live my own life  


I thought that I had known exactly who I was, the slayer's friend, hopelessly crushing after her when I know there is no way she is going to see me as anything other than a friend. Then there was my whole relationship with Cordelia. I had cared about her but I hadn't loved her like I originally thought. That was a relationship built on lust and not much of anything else. I learned a lot from her but it had been time to move on. I was starting to figure out who I really was.

_Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I will get up again if you let me fall_

I couldn't stop staring as she sang these words that held so true to me at this point of my life. This beautiful creature seemed to be speaking to me she looked out at the crowd as she sang her eyes seemed to meet mine on the final let me fall of the chorus.

_yeaaa(let me rise, let me fall, let me breath, let me break, let me call)_

_if you let me fall  
if you let me fall  
I will get up again  
if you let me fall_

She continued to look at me as she sang these words I felt Willow's hand tugging on my arm trying to pull me toward our table. I went with her willingly but my eyes wouldn't leave the angel on the stage.

_Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
If you let me fall  
if you let me  
If you let me fall  
cause I will get up again  
if you let me fall_

She closed her eyes as she sang the last bits of the song….


	3. Something

**XPOV**

"Are you ok there, Xan?" I could hear Buffy asked. "You seem far away."

"Yeah, Buff, it's just… something about that song." I replied watching her as she thanked the crowd and put her guitar back in its case. She looked like she was our age; I wonder why I hadn't noticed her before.

"It was pretty. She's in one of our English classes this year."

"Really? How could I miss her?"

Willow snorted at me before answering, "In between not paying attention in class and… and… doing God knows what with Cordelia, I'm surprised you noticed anything this year…"

I looked down slightly ashamed. It was true that most of my senior year was spent in the janitor's closet with Cordy or somewhere else. It's one of the reasons that I was certain that my relationship with Cordelia was mostly lust. We didn't talk as much as we should have and she definitely did not encourage me to better myself in the academics department. "I'm sorry about that by the way. I now see the error of my ways."

Now that I was looking at things differently I was more aware of what was going on around me. "It's paying attention in class and being all around observant boy from now on." I could see her walk off the stage to a redheaded female and smiling.

"I want to go over there… do you think I should? I mean there's been plenty of time for me to get over Cordelia, right. It's the perfect opportunity to start dating again… or at least compliment her on a beautifully written song and definitely not jumping in to any big rejection?"

"Nothing at all wrong with telling her what you thought of her song," Buffy answered me. "And maybe asking her out wouldn't be too bad, so long as she's single. Just be yourself, Xand, and she won't be able to resist you."

I scoffed briefly, being myself rarely ever worked when it came to attracting a woman. Or at least that's what I had spent a majority of my high school life believing. Thinking back Willow had loved me for just being me our whole lives even though I had been too blind to see it. Maybe Buffy was right. "I'll keep that in mind, Buff."

My eyes found her as she made her way toward a redheaded female standing near the couches in the back. I had never felt more drawn to anyone before just by watching the way they moved. I could feel my feet moving of their own volition as hers moved so gracefully. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to her, for all I knew she hadn't even known I was alive before that song. Although Willow had said that she was in one of our English classes so chances are she had at least seen my face before. The old Xander would have pined or spent weeks thinking of what he was going to say, using Willow to gage a reaction to what I said, but the new Xander was going to grab the bull by the horns as it were.

When I was close enough I could hear bits of their conversation, not much to make anything of it just tiny little pieces. "He's dreamy…I couldn't believe it…" "I'm so proud of you…" I chuckled briefly before taking that final step. "Hello." I started simply waiting for her to turn toward me.

Her face was even more breathtaking up close. I wanted to be suave and debonair like James Bond or maybe even mysterious like Angel. Of course when my mouth opened… the words that came out were in no way smooth. "I-I was just here with my friends… just having a good time when I heard your song… and it um… spoke to me.." I looked down. Of course it came out wrong; I really wasn't surprised by that. Perhaps I could talk to Giles about speaking in a more charming manner not that, that was my best option. If I didn't go to Giles there was Oz who didn't speak much and Wesley who I really didn't like and Angel. There was no way in hell I was asking dead boy, though come to think of it he didn't really talk all that much either so even if I did consider asking it may be a dead end. "I've never really heard anything like that before."

"Why thank you. I was inspired by a truly unique person."

That could mean absolutely anyone so my hopes were not completely dashed. All I had to do was ask her out and I would know. I had to ask her_ now_, tonight, or I was afraid I wouldn't do it at all. It was the main reason I had actually came over to talk to her. The problem was… I'd never really done it before. Cordelia had been my only _real_ girlfriend and I hadn't exactly asked her out, after making out so many times it had sort of become an understanding. "I'm Xander, Alexander Harris, but my friends call me Xander, or Xand I guess, but not as often."

"I know. I'm Laurie Connolly… although that's what the announcer said so you know that too… not to mention the classes we are in together…"

Classes she had said, as in more than one. Willow had mentioned we were in English together. What else were we in together? There were few that I didn't have with Buffy and Willow. I could always ask them and if they didn't know that would still narrow it down. "Right, so I was wondering would you like to… maybe dance or we could go out another time, have dinner if you prefer… or both, or even neither if you aren't interested."

The smile on Laurie's face gave me my answer but I still needed to hear it from her.

"I would love to do both, though I may not be a great dancer. I don't do it very often."

I gave her my own smile in response. I didn't really care whether or not she was a good dancer as long as she was dancing with me. I couldn't say that I was the best dancer out there. "I'm certain you're better than I am so stick with me and you'll look much better in comparison."

She looked at her friend then almost ashamed… "I'm so sorry, Xander this is my friend Cadence. Cadence would you mind if I go off and…"

"What a silly question of course I don't mind I might even head off home. Xander you wouldn't mind maybe escorting Laurie home would you?"

I hadn't even thought of that being a possibility of course I was going to jump at this chance. It wasn't often that something of that nature presented itself to me. I was supposed to help Buffy and Willow do another sweep of the cemeteries before heading home, but I was certain they wouldn't mind me walking this beautiful woman home. Maybe they would even follow behind us at a very respectable distance so that Laurie wouldn't know they were there and Buffy could protect us from vampires, should any show up. Perhaps now would be the perfect time to actually get a car so that I don't have to worry about anything getting to her… if this turns into anything more than just a meeting… I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

"I don't mind at all. You needn't worry about her she will be perfectly fine with me." I looked over at her, what I saw nearly confused me. She seemed to be blushing, for what reason I wasn't exactly sure perhaps it was too hot for her. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine no worries. So that dance?"

"Right." I held out my arm to her and she slid her hand through it smiling happily as I escorted her onto the dance floor. The song was slow and I thought incredibly appropriate, it was Something by the Beatles. I rested one hand on her shoulder and the other on her waist as she did the same opposite me. I listened to the words as I gazed at Laurie and I thought all of these things about her that George Harrison was describing. I know that I had just met her, but I do believe in love at first sight. I wanted more from her then just a friendship all I could hope for was that she felt the same way.

I guess I would find out more about how I feel when I took her out to dinner, how I was going to pay for this I was uncertain because I wanted to do more than just take her to the Espresso Pump, I wanted to treat her to something nice. As a new song started we continued to dance the same way even though it was a faster pace. I needed to start a conversation somehow.

"So you and Cordelia broke up…" she startled me by starting the conversation.

"Umm… yeah… a little while ago and not for reasons I'm proud of." I didn't really want to tell her I'd been unfaithful… the whole situation was so complicated and I knew I would probably have to tell her eventually but I wanted her to get to know me much better before I told her how I cheated on my girlfriend. I didn't want that face to scare her away from me.

"Do you mind if I ask what you saw in her?"

Again her question startled me. When I didn't speak right away she started again.

"I'm sorry that's not polite of me at all… I'm sure she's quite lovely I must admit I did notice a change when she was with you. It was just what she needed to give her a heart."

"She's always had a heart she just needed to show it. I admit though I never really loved her… I just thought I did. That whole situation is… complicated. When I was with her I was blinded to the world around me I didn't really notice anything I'm ashamed to say… though I should have noticed someone like you it's a small school."

I didn't really confess that I didn't remember what classes we were in together just that I hadn't noticed her the way I do now. I really hope she doesn't take it the wrong way.

"That's the way of the relationships isn't it? All you see is the other person, all you think about is them and when they enter the room that's all you see. I keep to myself for the most part when Cadence isn't around so it's understandable you might not notice me. It's not a small enough school that you know everyone there.

"I feel as if I've escaped some fog and the world is suddenly brighter. The next time I start a relationship it won't be because of lust it will be for the persons mind." I knew for certain that we started dating then it would be for just that reason. She had an interesting mind from what I could tell so far and she was incredibly talented. Of course I was attracted to her, but it was for so much more than her body. "Do you want to maybe… meet Willow and Buffy?"

"I think that might be a brilliant idea. One more song though?" she asked so sweetly that I just couldn't tell her no. I would get one more song of just us and then I would move into the next stage of making her a permanent fixture of my life.

The only thing I was really worried about was Buffy being the slayer. If we did like each other enough to start dating I would eventually have to reveal that part of my life to her. Best to put that in the back of my mind and cross that bridge if no… when we come to it.

"One more song…"


	4. Strut

**LPOV**

When I had stepped on the stage I had been aware that he was here. I had seen him on my way in; this was something Cadence had been hoping for. I took a deep breath and started to sing her favorite of my songs. I had started it junior year when some of my teachers had been saying that we wouldn't get very far in the real world. Then there was Harmony, she had barely noticed us at all before but when Cordelia started dating Xander and spent less and less time with Harmony it had left her more time to pick on those that blend into the woodwork. However the song wasn't just about what was going on with Cadence and myself it was also, as most of my other songs were, inspired by Xander. No matter what anyone said to him he would get back up again and keep going.

That was something I admired about him, while most people in his situation would start to dwell in self pity he just brushed it off and moved on. We had that in common at least. I wouldn't necessarily talk back to whoever it was that was saying trying to put me down, but I also didn't take whatever they said about me to heart. I knew who I was and who I wanted to be, that was the important thing. I had to know who I was and listen to those who are trying to build me up. I tried to convey all of this in one song. I am human and I will make mistakes, but it's not up to someone else to tell me what they are or to try and stop me from doing them. I needed to get back up and move on just like I had seen Xander do.

I could feel it the second his eyes landed on me. I could barely breathe while his eyes surveyed my body. I kept my eyes off of him and almost everywhere else. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the whole song out without messing something up. When I got to the end I finally let my eyes meet with his and the second it happened my breath seemed to catch in my throat without really affecting the song.

Somehow I was able to keep my eyes on his throughout the rest of the song and still manage to sing the correct words. It was exhilarating to have him so focused on me. I was so used to being in the background and looked over I hadn't realized exactly what being in the spotlight would mean. I was glad that Cadence had talked me into doing this though, even with the clothes she picked out for me. I didn't feel awkward up here as I might have in something that I picked out myself. She had convinced me that this called for something more than just jeans and a t-shirt. I smiled at the crowd as my song came to an end and put my guitar back in its case. I could feel his eyes on me and the smile would not leave my face.

I made my way to Cadence excited to tell her about the moment I experienced. I didn't have to feel upset anymore about how he never noticed me in classes. As I approached Cadence I could barely keep it anymore. "Thank you so much for talking me into doing this."

"What else are friends for if not to push you into doing what you know you should?"

I laughed slightly, "I suppose you are right. So I had his attention almost the whole time, our eyes. I put it off for so long, looking at him, because I was certain that when I did I would lose all coherent thoughts, as per usual. You know since he's so dreamy, to me at least. I couldn't believe it when I did look at him and our eyes locked."

"I'm so proud of you dear, you sang beautifully and didn't freak out when the man of your dreams couldn't take his eyes off of you."

I was about to respond to her when I was graced with hearing a familiar voice.

"Hello."

For me the time seemed to stop and the world faded away around me, how cliché was that? I didn't care I had heard his voice multiple times but never had it been directed toward me. I turned to look at him and smiled. What happened next was like out of a dream. Not only did he ask me to dance but he also asked me on a date. The fact that he didn't think I would be interested didn't surprise me much, like Cadence and I he wasn't in the popular crowd and other than Cordelia, Willow, and I girls didn't seem all that interested in him, which baffled me. Of course I wasn't going to turn down the man of my dreams.

When we danced I was in heaven, the conversation was slightly awkward, there was so much I wanted to know about him but sometimes it was hard figuring out what was appropriate conversation. I knew it was best to start out slowly because Cadence had given me a good majority of the night, when she asked him to make sure that I got home ok.

I started out with his recent break up with **the** Cordelia Chase. I didn't really know the details behind what happened and in all honesty I didn't care. I found it was the perfect opportunity to ask what I had wondered since the beginning of their relationship. Growing up she had always made it her mission to torture those less fortunate than her. I had watched as she did the same to Willow and Xander so I wondered what had changed in her to make him want to date her.

What he said he should have noticed me I could feel the heat covering my cheeks. I was not surprised that he hadn't noticed me while he was with Cordelia and I told him as much. Even in a small school it is possible for people not to meet everyone. I also seemed to make it my mission to avoid actually talking to him. Every time I wanted to say something to him my throat seemed to close up and the words would not come out.

When he suggested that I meet his friends I was delighted, but I wanted just a little bit of time with just Xander and I. While I had learned some about Xander I didn't feel like it was enough.

"So what is your favorite type of music?"

"I enjoy rock most often, though when I am wallowing in self pity I tend to listen to country."

"Well I have to respect that. There are some good country songs out there if you know where to look especially when one is in pain. Though I have to admit when I feel down in the dumps I have to listen to Morrissey. What is your favorite movie genre?"

"Horror movies are a good way to pass the time though I must admit I am more partial to comedy. And what kind of man would I be if I didn't love action movies…"

I laughed as the music came to an end and brushed some of my hair out of my face. It was time to meet his best friends. When one was observing them from a distance it was easy to tell that they were incredibly close. I had always felt a sort of connection to Willow, sharing a love for the same male. It seems strange to think about it now, especially since she hadn't really talked to me either.

I know it wasn't because she didn't like me, it was more one of those things where neither were that ok with just talking to strangers. She had said hi to me in the hallways asked me about my day, but never really anything more than that, which was fine. I had been happy in my existence of admiring their group from afar. I do regret never saying anything before other than hi. That was just the way things had happened…

**Author's Note**

**Sorry guys this isn't the best I know but I think I should do this meeting in Xander's point of view so that is what is next I might stay in his POV for a while I think the writing sort of comes out better that way and we learn about her the way that he does.. what do you guys think?**


End file.
